Thursday, June 23, 2016

Men... the victims of Domestic Violence


Disclaimer: the intention of this article is not to weaken the struggles women face with domestic violence but also to bring in some light on the issues faced by men. Domestic violence is no longer only a women issue but impacts both sexes equally.

Over the past few years, 'domestic violence' has been defined as vehemence by men against women and children, and women's viciousness against their male partners has been considered to be either absent, or the fault of men, or has been underestimated and justified in a variety of ways to an extent where this interpretation of violence implies further that women's aggression is a reaction to men's actions toward them, blaming the victim for his plight. It is argued, for instance, that a wife who beats her husband has herself been beaten and that her violence is the violence of self-defence.

When one hears the words ‘Domestic violence’ we picture about a woman being beaten by a man… a child living in terror of an arrogant father figure … a woman with bruised face, cowering indoors afraid to upset an unstable male partner… The deep-seated prescription of domestic violence as a woman’s problem, and not a social problem affecting both sexes and their children, is now strongly entrenched in societal attitudes of various western cultures, men in India too have become vocal about this, but the public indifference towards men still exists and this not only deters many male victims from reporting intimate abuse against them, even when they have suffered severe violence, but also reinforces stereotypical attitudes towards them by police forces and social agencies, so that if they do report, they are often disbelieved or ridiculed. Unfortunately in India, Domestic violence against men in India is not recognized by the law and like women, men also find it hard to get out of abusive relationships.

An estimated 835,000 men are physically assaulted by intimate partners every year, according to the National Coalition against Domestic Violence. In recent years, there has been a spurt in the number of men who have been physically abused by their wives. Although the trauma may be the same, the methods of inflicting abuse vary. "Men are stronger and hit their wives, but women, in many cases, ask another man — their brother, father, friend or hired goons — to assault their husbands. About 1650 Husbands aged between 15-49 years and selected through random sampling were interviewed using a schedule adapted from the WHO multicounty study on Husband's health and domestic violence. The study looked at all four aspects of domestic violence — Economical, Emotional, Physical and Sexual. Economical violence was found to be the commonest with 32.8% respondents saying they had faced it at least once, followed by emotional (22.2%), by physical (25.2%) and sexual violence (17.7%). An interesting finding was that the probability of violence increased significantly with the duration of marriage particularly if it was more than seven years old.

In my experience counselling and attending to various cases, one key factor I have observed that men shy away from voicing out their problems for reasons including the welfare and access to children, in most of the cases men don’t report or brush aside and continue to stay in an abusive relationship because of the factors involving their parents. One of the cases my client told its very embarrassing for him to go back and tell his mother that his wife is harassing him and his mother being a heart patient will not be able to tolerate the trauma because it was a love marriage against his mother’s will. Another instance was an NRI husband who is married to an Indian girl faces a lot of challenges where the girls family troubles him for money matters. There are few cases of adultery where the wife is involved in but the husband for the very status in the society although coming to know about such things was unable to do anything but seek a separation on some other grounds and meet the demands of his wife during the separation process.

What should men do and how can law / lawyer help…?

In case of False Acquisitions
The most frequent form of abuse that I have come across in my practice is wife falsely filing a case against husband and her in-laws and misusing 498A. In such instances the husband and family approach the lawyer to get an anticipatory bail to protect them and then continue to fight the case which often leads to marital separation.

Having assisted individuals facing a false accusation of domestic violence for several years, I have personally experienced several incidences where my clients were charged with domestic violence crimes for which I knew they were not guilty. It’s always good to be proactive and with the help of a lawyer file the case against the wife in the nearest police station and send a legal notice to wife stating her intentions are being challenged in the court of law and under any circumstance any further false acquisition or false compliant will not hold any good any more. Being proactive is the best possible solution to overcome false acquisitions. Secondly, ensure you protect your valuables, properties, bank information, passwords,  and belongings that can be under potential threat in case of such accusations and finally stop shying away and notify family members and close friends about the abuse you are going thru which will act as an evidence in later times.  

In case of Emotional / Mental Abuse
Emotional abuse of men is the same as emotional abuse of women: it is acts, including verbal assault, that make a person feel less self-worth or dignity. Emotional abuse of men makes them feel like less of a person. Male victims of emotional abuse may experience partners that: Yell and scream, Threaten them and try to induce fear, Insult and demean them; tell them they are not worth the trouble
Socially isolate them, Lie or withhold information, Treat them like a child or servant, Control all the finances and try humiliating them condemning their sexuality. Having social contacts controlled. Being stopped from seeing or talking to friends and family. Being restricted access to the outside world / groups / organizations is another form of emotional / mental abuse one suffers.

In case of Emotional Abuse, it’s essential for men to ensure they seek help thru counselling or legal advice. Few actions men prefer to take in such cases are to leave the relationship or keep evidence of abuse for possible legal action but not retaliate to make the matters worst. A recent landmark judgement was passed in favour of the husband when his wife used to emotional abuse him calling him an elephant, While hearing a plea of a Delhi-based businessman, who faced cruelty and humiliation at the hands of his wife for being overweight and incapable of satisfying her sexual desires, the Delhi High Court recently ruled that calling your spouse ‘mota haathi’ (fat elephant) is a valid ground for divorce. In this case the woman said that the allegations levied on her were vague and non-specific. She argued that the man could not give specific instances of alleged cruelty with dates, time and particulars to which the court observed when two parties are in a marital relationship, neither is expected to maintain a logbook and note down therein each and every instance of matrimonial offence committed by the other.

In case of Economical or Financial Abuse
Victims in this case are forced to hand over their pay cheques to their partner; may not be given access to their own bank statements and other financial documents; may have money withheld or be forced to leave take heavy debt to meet unnecessary demands; abuse of credit cards, be coerced into signing bank loans and other financial documents; may lose their job because of the stress of family violence affecting their performance, some instances where wife’s family members demand monitory assistance, instances where husbands are not allowed to share / part money with their parents etc…

Economical abuse is one of its worst form where a man is found to be in a miserable state almost living a life of a slave puppet in the hands of his wife and wife’s family, the men should retaliate to this form of abuse and seek legal advice, or take a stand to mutually agree with legal documentation in place on the limitations one should put towards expenses and in-law interference in money matters. In one of the cases expressing concern over rift between couples due to parents' persistent interference in their daughter's married life, Justice Kailash Gambhir upheld a lower court's decree of divorce to a man on the ground of his in-laws' frequent interference in his marital life. Parents should not become uninvited judges of problems of their daughter, become an obstacle in the daughter's married life, plant thoughts in her mind and gain control over her and promote disharmony in her family life, the judge said.


In case of Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse is not suffered by women only, men too are victims. Today’s society with access to the internet is more advanced (pervert) then what is was before. There have been several instances where men undergo sexual abuse. The stress that has built up in the urban lifestyle coupled with many lifestyle health and fitness issues have left a bad taste in the marital life, women in some cases have resorted to various means to derive sadistic pleasure from their partners and also have gone to an extent seeking pleasure outside marriage, adultery in case of wife is not punishable offence. Various forms of sexual abuse exist in the society arising out of sheer dissatisfaction in marital life or simply vengeance that wife carries towards her husband. Cheating on the husband is another form of emotional sexual abuse which is grave in its kind leading to extreme disharmony in marital life. Many men in abusive relationships do not feel in control of their own sex life, their partners may demand or coerce intercourse, may make derisory comments about their manhood or ridicule them in public. Many men also experience "sex as a reward for good behaviour" and the opposite of being denied any intimacy if they have (knowingly or not) done something to displease their partners, as being an abusive use of sexuality.

Suffering in any kind is not a sign of happy married life, men have all rights to file complaints against their wife for the untoward behavior, the emotional damage done is to a very great extent in such cases and no matter how much of counselling conducted levees very less chances for the scars to vanish. In such cases the only resort often happens is separation, more often than not the reason for separation will be emotional stress caused and very less cases the victims will open up with the facts of abuse.

Times are changing and there are various forums / men rights social organizations and NGOs who are upholding rights for men. There are various self-help forums for men and communities formed where men can feel free to discuss their issues. It’s a tough stand one needs to take, the society we live in and keeping in mind the future life often we tend to amicably resolve issues and in very less time want to get out form a troubled relationship, vengeance will not resolve the purpose, there are cases that are filed in the courts of law which are still awaiting their turn to come up for hearing and life continues to suffer. The intelligent prefer to get out of trouble and mutually agree for whatever good or bad to part off and continue new life…

For those looking for ways in which they can help defend their charges in a court of law, seeking out a consultation from a skilled domestic violence lawyer in your best interest can reach out to me writing into lawyersonia@gmail.com for any guidance and legal assistance.



41 comments:

deeps said...

thats a different topic for a change :)

Vikram said...

Very well written ... true times have changed and men are more vulnerable

Aditya said...

Very challenging for men to win cases, the law is more towards women today.

Nityanand said...

Ma'am, my friend is under a lot of stress because police and his wifes advocate is putting pressure to compromise. Is there something that can be legally done, I am based out of Bangalore. Kindly suggest.

Anonymous said...

Good read... an eye opener.
I am facing false charges and fighting them.. for no fault of mine and my parents...

Rajesh Mohandas said...


Visit the link below and read thru the state of Male Sexual Harassment law in India... good read...

http://www.indiatimes.com/news/india/these-cases-highlight-the-pathetic-state-of-male-sexual-harassment-laws-in-the-country-247504.html

Sridhar said...

Can a husband file Defamation suit against wife, if charges she puts are proven invalid.

Sonia Rajesh said...

Yes you can file a Defamation.

Anonymous said...

Can a man in India file a legal case against harassment from sister-in-law. My sister-in-law stays with me and troubles more than my wife or in-laws. I dont have parents, my wifes parents live with me, I am from madhya pradesh working in bangalore.

Anonymous said...

Can a man in India file a legal case against harassment from sister-in-law. My sister-in-law stays with me and troubles more than my wife or in-laws. I dont have parents, my wifes parents live with me, I am from madhya pradesh working in bangalore. I have sent you an email to lawyersonia@gmail.com pls help.

Anonymous said...

70,000 married men suicide in India per year and this figure is more than double of women's suicide. Mother-in-laws and sister-in-laws are falsely implicated along with husbands by wife.

There is no single law in country to protect men and punish faulty and wrong women who are putting false cases on Husbands, co-workers and males.There is no punishment of wife involve in Adultery... She is pre-assumed a Goddess in India.

Anonymous said...

Girls now a days have a lot of ego... they dont care for anything and their friends support them to an extent where the families break.

Anshuman said...

Men will be Men... women can be anything :-(

James said...

I found this... look at it, this is a pre planned motive and how women trap men, matrimonial sites are now a days places to trap men... be careful

http://www.merinews.com/article/matrimonial-websites-a-trap-for-men/15919251.shtml

Vamshi Varun said...

I often travel on B1 and now WorkPermit for a year and odd. My wife back in India has filed a suit against me u/s 125 and many other complaints. Can I fight my case without coming to India.

Regards,
Vamshi Varun

Amit Deshpande said...

Very few lawyers presently have the right traits and skills. There are too many specialists, too many black-letter lawyers, and too many legal technicians. What clients like me need are lawyers who understand the art of listening, questioning, and giving advice in a way that gives clients a sense of safety.

And I must say, one the best lawyers I have met, Sonia, thanks for all the help and support you extended to me and my parents when required the most. Will never forget your help in getting the bail in such a short period which saved us all... god bless you.

Anonymous said...

Here is one more incident... husband funds studies for his wife and ends up getting a divorce.

http://www.ndtv.com/cities/bangalore-man-funds-wifes-studies-gets-divorce-in-return-437989

Anonymous said...

Can I opt for mutual consent divorce, although wife has failed complaint in women police station. I was called in by the police and they made me sign a letter.

Sonia Rajesh said...

Yes, you can. Try settling the matter out of court and file a MCD.

Sonia Rajesh said...

If the cumulative effect of the acts of the cruelty on the part of one spouse makes the life of the other spouse miserable and it is not possible for (the person to stay with his partner) happily, then a decree of divorce can be granted by the court on the ground of cruelty

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/mumbai/Court-Making-life-of-spouse-miserable-ground-for-divorce/articleshow/56110544.cms

Vinay kumar said...

How do I submit evidence for verbal abuse and humiliation. I dont have any witness, no recording or any kind of mechanism to prove.

Sonia Rajesh said...

Vinay, Your lawyer will prepare arguments and cross examine your wife, if need be will opt a Lie Detection Test to prove episodes of violence. you need to work with your lawyer and give all information about events and incidents of verbal abuse and the same be examined in the court of law.

Pankaj Jha said...

Dear Mam, I and my spouse have settled our scores and now want to take back the DV case and go for mutual consent divorce. Can you suggest the procedure for the same.

Sonia Rajesh said...

Pankaj, I suggest you to please go thru my blog post on how to get mutual consent to understand the detailed procedure. here is the link

http://lawyersonia.blogspot.in/2017/02/how-to-get-divorce-by-mutual-consent-in.html

Anonymous said...

If you married daughter from a feminist family, then once you file divorce, any or all of the following can happen:

1.Wife will file DV (domestic violence case), and ask for both monthly maintenance, and compensation.

2.Or she may file CrPC 125 and ask for monthly maintenance. Here the advantage for her is that she may or may not make that serious allegations as in DV, so she keeps one option open to show that she can still come back.

3.Your wife may file RCR (Restitution for conjugal rights), which means wife says that she wants to come back. Then you get trapped because in front of the family court, you appear like the dowry-seeking, not-satisfied-with-one-wife kind of husband that the old TV serials used to show. And your wife will appear to be the ablaa-naari who wants to dutifully go back to husband’s home but is so scared right now that she stays at he parents’ home.

4.She could simply file HMA 24 to claim interim maintenance while you run in courts for next few years trying to speed up the case. Again, she will be able to show she is the hapless woman left by husband because that story is all too easily believed by the white knights in society.

5.Wife/in-laws will file IPC 498A on you. This may happen before, after and any time gap with DV or maintenance cases.

6.Along with IPC 498a, other things like IPC 406A (recovery of stridhan), 324 (assault), IPC 506 (criminal intimidation) and such sections are added usually too.

7.The latest trend is that wife may file IPC 377 on you (unnatural sex), IPC 376 (rape) or 354 (outraging modesty of a woman) on your father or your brother etc.

Source MensRights

Anonymous said...

Hi Maam,

My bro got into relationship 3 months bk initially which he didn't knew the female was married.. Soon my bro realised his mistake as he felt the lady was in touch few more men. The same news when he shared to husband who is advocate..made a trap with police and ask him to to meet in person n without any reason took him station n hit him. Hitting him they hv filed false fir of 354 n 506, Then informed us. We got him out of bail but want justice on filing false allegations...plz suggest us

Sonia Rajesh said...

Will surely help you in this case, we need to build all required data points and evidence the case can be filed both against the opposite party and the police if need be and if the information you have is accurate and correct. It will be a tough case you need to stay strong till the end and not back out in between.

You may wish to write into me on lawyersonia@gmail.com or call 9845944896 and fix an appointment to discuss.

Sonia Rajesh said...

#Know_Your_Rights, #Innocent_until_proven_guilty

Now a days there is an upraise in the cases related to domestic violence filed against the husband and his family members… No doubt the girl would have suffered emotional and verbal abuse but the allegations filed in the case are blown out of proportion and many parties like the sisters husband or the family members of husbands brother-in-law are involved.

" A basic principle of criminal law is that any anyone accused of crime is innocent until he is proven guilty. "

But many of accused men (and families) under IPC 498a/406/376/DV Act seem to think that the principle of innocent until proven guilty doesn’t apply to them…!

What else is the reason that they try so hard to prove innocence to police, CAW, or even own advocates when facing false allegations by their spouse…

One can safeguard himself and the family with an #Anticipatory_Bail and continue the life as usual and the law takes its course.

Anonymous said...

In the year 2018 after so much amendment in law is it possible to ask for divorce from wife on the following grounds 1. Husband had to shift to other country for fulfilling the needs of wife leaving his govt job.
2. Wife left her mother in law alone and shift with kids to other place in the same city.
3. Spreading rumors that husband is not providing monthly expenses.
4. After few years of marriage husband experienced depression, panic attacks and anxiety.
5. She is not maintaing any relation with in laws in any way.
6. Bad mouth, verbally and physically abuse kids and everyone.
7. Has drastically changed her lifestyle, partying always and not taking care of kids actually but post pictures that she is doing her best.
8. Husband Recently purchsed a flat for her and giving her monthly expenses, children expenses everything which can be proved.

Sonia Rajesh said...

Yes, for point #3, #4, #6, #7 (partially), are good grounds you can put across that your spouse has subjected emotional and verbal violence against you and pray the court for a divorce on grounds of cruelty.

Regards,
Sonia

Anonymous said...

Hi mam..my husband is torturing me like anything for claiming my property...He is taking every simple argument very ragely and he is telling every arguments to his parents and making the things very worser..every time He is sending me out from home and telling that our horoscope is not matching so that we can't live together..if we live together either anyone will be no more within a year..past five years he and his family is giving torture in all the ways and he is not even looking after my son..i filled complaint in AWPS..There too he come and said I won't live with her but I need my son after 7 years..How should I proceed in court

Anonymous said...

God bless you. It gave me some mental relief.
Men have been looked upon as problem createrd under the eyes of law on most circumstances.

Unknown said...

Hi mam... my wife always uses bad words against me and my parents and threaten about claimimg heavy money if i file divorce case.... her mother always support her to fight with me from last 3 years... plz mam let me know on which grounds I can file divorce case against her

Anonymous said...

married in 2001 and applied for divorce in 2009 with mutual consent but my wife denied to give divorce. Then with the lieu for settling the case, her family members ask for lumpsum amt of 25 lakhs alongwith her belongings, that too we have given but again refused to sign the divorce papers. Till now i m fighting the divorce in domestic court. It has been more than 10 yrs suffering from lot of stress n depression. our child is with me he has also suffered a lot. She didnt even call to us in so many years. Pls suggest a way to get out of this? Hope 4 n affirmative reply.......

Grafti Works said...

Hi

I'm married for 4 years now and I have a very beautiful daughter 3 years old now. But it's been a year now my wife has been finding reason to fight with me always. Uses very abusive language and recently started telling my 3 year old that I'm not her father and I'm no one or that I'm dead. One day my daughter tells me you are dead it broke my heart. But everytime I try to sit and talk she only finds ways to tell I've been sleeping with women or something in those sense and starts abusing me. I'm totally and literally broke emotionally I always think of filing a divorce but she threatens me she would file a case for not letting me see my own daughter. She also told me that she is not my daughter she had my daughter with someone else I have screen shots of the same. I have texted no bad words or no insults coz I really want my daughter.

Please help what do I do?

Avijit...Man with high dreams! said...

Maam, I have done my registration under special marriage act on 27th jan 2019. After which i found that my wife has an affair with another guy.. and she is still continuing the relationship. When caught she is denying. On the other hand, she has threatened my parents and said she will put them behind the bars. She even threatened of commiting suicide and put me behind bars. We havent stayed for a single day together after marriage registry. Social marriage is yet to happen. I am emotionally broken and dont want to continue this marriage. I asked her for mutual annulment but she is dragging this matter and postponding her decision to another date, on every single occasion i ask her. I have the call recording evidences of threat from her and her mother.

Kindly help. How to come out from this.

Anonymous said...

Hello ,
If the wife didn't come husband home from her parents home from 1 year and their is no contact between husband and wife in this period . Can a husband file divorce

Anonymous said...

Good evening mam.... Can I get divorce on ground of
1) she is not willing to stay with my mom dad
2) forcing me to keep her mental brother
3) verbally abusive
4) threat for sucide
5) threat for false 498a and DV act
6) she had slapped me for not keeping her brother
7) we are seperated for period of 15 months
8) lot of interference by her parents including taking money from daughter so adviced me to stay away from my wife

Shivasakti said...

That's true. Men are more abused and tortured in the above ways by cunning wife's and selfish wife's hamily

Kapil said...

Yes, men are abused more day by day in the above form of abuses and more by cunning wife's and wife's selfish family. Hence law should also be created for men and men police stations should be created.

Ricardo Daniel Moreno said...

I have been a victim in 2domestic violence and now I'm being restrained by my spouse on my divorce filing with her adding the 2dv cases. Is something I did wrong on filing or no investigation is ever done to confirm any DV case that is written in n a person request in family law superior Courts

Translate

About Me

My photo
I am a practicing advocate in Bangalore Highcourt. My goal is to ensure my clients get justice and victory... Areas of Practice: · Mutual Consent Divorce · Contested Divorce · Annulment Of Marriage · Restitution Of Conjugal Rights · Maintenance (Interim and Permanent Maintenance) · Child Custody (Visitation, Interim and Permanent) · Criminal Proceedings (Bigamy, 498A etc...) · Domestic Violence and Alimony settlement · Registration of Marriage · Power of Attorney · Documentation and Registration of Will · Pre and Post Marriage Councelling Contact : lawyersonia@gmail.com Phone : 9845944896