Monday, December 19, 2016

20 Practical Tips for Women in India to Negotiate Alimony


Art of Alimony Negotiation for Indian Women

The miscellany and cultural diversity in India is distinctive. The endless varieties of physical features and cultural patterns and many variants of languages make this subcontinent very complex land of multiple religions. The census of 1961 listed as many as 1,652 languages and dialects, the subsequent census regarded them as spurious and recognized 22 major languages. We find in India followers of various faith of which ~80% are Hindus, ~13% follow Islam while other 7% are followers of Christianity, Buddhism, Jainism etc…, wish this country was as simple as the followers of faith but unfortunately there is a wide spread caste system with not less than 3000 sub castes whose hierarchy is graded in different ways in different regions of India.

Right from our childhood we have been reading and learning about Unity in diversity a concept of "unity without uniformity and diversity without fragmentation" that shifts focus from unity based on a mere tolerance of physical, cultural, linguistic, social, religious, political, ideological and/or psychological differences towards a more complex unity based on an understanding, but alas, I just wish what we studied in the school is actually practiced in the families too. I feel sad to say, per my experience, forget the unity of the country there is no unity in the families today, the disagreement within the family members is growing at an alarming rate, the future generations will end up with antagonism, bitterness and discord which will be the new norm leading but nothing to more crime and social evils. The prominent few social evils faced by married women today are Dowry, Domestic Violence, Outraging the modesty, Sexual Harassment, Marital Rape, Adultery and Men deserting woman, Cruelty by husband and his family members which leads to but nothing Divorce, the guilty is often not punished and those behind bars may not be truly guilty.

88.4% marriages in India are arranged as per the statistics published by UNICEF Human Rights on August 16th 2016. Approximately 2.3% of marriages end in divorce, at least 78% causes for contested divorce in India are Dowry and Domestic Violence. One other trend I have personally observed is todays modern women wants to move on, the families and parents still hold back some grudge or vengeance and seek for punishment but the educated modern girl today knows that there is a long life and bright future ahead and does not want to waste time in prolonging the case and switches to fasten the proceedings through mutual consent. One of the very important element todays modern girl often ignores is her right for Alimony, either she settles for too less or the earnestness to get out of the suffering is too high that she foregoes her right. Words cannot explain the plight one goes thru the divorce proceedings, taking the first step to consult a lawyer or decide to get out of a relationship itself if practically impossible for the girl no matter how modernized the society is. We still live in a rigid caste based system and the fearing of what neighbours and society will talk about. Each community has its own personal laws derived from religious scriptures, customs and traditions and so the grounds on which a Hindu woman can seek divorce and alimony may not be the same for every community.

The Art of Alimony Negotiation
As per the law of the land, Alimony or Maintenance is a legal obligation on a person to provide financial support to their spouse before or after marital separation or divorce. In case of contested matters the Court intervenes to decide the matters related to alimony and maintenance to both wife and child on various merits of the case. A survey cited by India Today says 63 per cent of Indian women become dependent on their parents post-divorce, even as 88 per cent of the divorced men continue with the same lifestyle after divorce. Although the rule of thumb says 1/3rd of the husbands income and assets be taken into consideration there are other governing factors that can make the alimony amount high / low, a recent amendment in the law states the women is entitled for 50% of share in the husbands property acquired before or after marriage. The law is still unclear and ambiguous as it does not clearly define what amount of alimony / who / when / and how is the responsibility shared to up bring the children, often the child custody is granted to women and the struggle continues with raising inflation and cost of education / healthcare and other expenses. Unfortunately in India, there is no concept of joint marital assets, although scriptures call the husband and wife DAMPATI and prescribe to perform all duties and rites jointly when it comes to finances, assets, properties etc… it’s always male dominated.  In Hindu marriage act, both spouses can claim alimony from each other whereas the special marriage entitles only wife to claim the alimony. Alimony is mainly divided into four categories: temporary alimony, rehabilitative alimony, permanent alimony and reimbursement alimony….

I wish to highlight in this blog what Indian women need to in case of alimony negotiation and suggest go for an MOU and settle the matters out of court and seek mutual consent divorce after your needs are met :

1.    Ensure the cause for seeking divorce is very strong, there should be enough evidence on you been subjected to domestic violence and are a victim on cruelty by husband and his family

2.    Length of marriage plays a vital role in deciding the alimony amount, shorter marriages should focus on settling a one-time alimony instead of monthly maintenance

3.    Know what you exactly want, don’t just focus on the amount or assets; showcase your needs and the reason behind the demand (inflation, child’s education, your disability, current status and lifestyle, healthcare expenses etc…). Rank your priorities and put forth the top priority first and keep the meagre ones at the end

4.    Give time, there is nothing called “My Way of High Way”, negotiation process takes time, be patient and if required hire a professional who can negotiate on your behalf, take off your ego from the table. Don’t get into threatening and use the words like “Look what I will do … etc…” don’t label your behavior or offer options / choices for your husband to choose from. Remember buying time builds up tension; use this method very carefully but not often

5.    Statistics and Data are important, collect data on various assets, income doorways etc… of your spouse this will be a very handy piece of evidence during the negotiation process, use the data carefully after you have done all your homework Subtly nudging them toward your choice

6.    Women often are emotional and during the negotiations cry or burst out with anger, take control on your emotions and be cool, don’t get angry or cry, this shows your weakness, maintain the cool / composure during negotiation, keep in mind you are facing the problem and not the people although its people around you

7.    Educate the other party with facts and evidence, don’t simply stick to a number you have decided, showcase with data why you need this amount and the rationale behind the ask. State your case, clearly and completely. Change the benchmarks of good and bad, try Bring up new information you have found

8.    Don’t burn the bridges, keep the communication on… in many a cases women walk out of the negotiation table siting the humiliation, seek help from your counsel to negotiate on your behalf, New person can reset the rules and strengthen your value preposition, I often suggest Persuade one person at a time and then use them as allies

9.    Focus on WIN – win strategy, with a bigger WIN coming your way, discuss with your lawyer and do your complete homework without leaving any stone unturned, remember to brake one deal to smaller multiple deals swaying them your way.  If you just put across one big option then the chances of that ending up into an argument and killing time are high. Offer to agree in the half way position

10.  Don’t open up all options at one go, go slow and put your points and let the opposite party come up with his options before your further open up, remember to keep the process in your control, Offer to phase in or phase out the unpleasant bits and sometimes or act stupid to avoid cleaver stuff, catch the opposite party off the ground not expecting you to behave dumb

11.  Beyond currency or money are other assets too… (Stocks, Bonds, Mutual Funds, Property, Gold, Dividends, etc…) keep options open and don’t stick on a number, refuse to agree on the table immediately, say you are open to such a point but wait for the opposite party to put across more points.

12.  Although you are earning, try prove your point the need is beyond what you can sustain from your earnings, fall back on data and gather information ( for eg: all that you earn may end up paying rent and healthcare expenses of your parents, remember as per the new law amendment women are equally responsible to take care of their parents just like men)

13.  Remember, great negotiation is more about listening then about talking, once someone on the table says YES, then document the point and move on don’t argue further on that point

14.  When someone from the opposite party, it could be the husband or his family members or his counsel objects don’t argue or become defensive, instead ask for clarification, ask a WHY Question, you will be surprised if you ask “WHY” or ask data to prove the objection raised the opposite party will not be able to come up with an answer and you can prove your point then. Human psychology plays a vital role here, ask WHY and you can surprise the best negotiators on the table if they have not done their homework

15.  Remember while negotiation, one the important fact is to bear in mind is to craft your process in such a way that will make your husband defenceless, being with him after marriage you definitely know all his strengths and weakness, you also very well know his emotional buttons that when you press them right he agrees to your wants.

16.  Keep the discussions result oriented, its often seen during the negotiation process, old memories come up and the discussion sways more towards a new quarrel instead of point in focus and this indicates a bad publicity and lead into negative consequences.

17.  Remember to be wise and not smart, you need not show how smart you are, let him feel the pride but you need to be wise to ensure your wants are met, say you understand and empathize but don’t agree as your needs outweigh his situations. Suggest a solution and see if they can bite and push them up against the wall of time.

18.  Put your concerns on the table, in my personal experience I can confidently quote there will always be a family member from your spouse side who will sympathize with you, utilize him/her and try to influence the process by siting your concerns, although it’s your demand showcase as a concern and not ego driving the wants

19.  Avoid using “I” statements and instead use something like “We need to reach a resolution which is in favor of both of us adding speed to the process” One other tip which is very important is when you sit for negotiation is the art of speaking, Effective use of speech pauses is a master technique, the power of silence speaks volumes, don’t blabber your point and speak continuously, pauses convey your emotions, holds the attention of distracted audience and replace filler words. You can pause over a question, impactful sentence or a past memory that you quote. Step out and take a break, especially when you see things are getting out of your control, this will break the heat and the flow, come back and start with fresh mind.

20.  Engage with your body language, the body language and conduct during the negotiation process plays a vital role, many a time although you are enraged and uncomfortable put efforts to make yourself in composure drink water often during the negotiation, this will give your time. Not only will this aid your brain (by providing more oxygen), but your vocal quality will be enhanced by keeping your mouth and throat lubricated. The greatest leaders and influencers who speak often resort to this tip… if you observe our beloved prime minister during the interview process or when he is speaking takes a pause and drinks some water. Another psychology behind pausing and drinking water is to break and distract the thought process of the opposite party, break up their thinking and take charge.


While there is more to this subject, I believe the reader would benefit with the above 20 tips to strengthen your proposition. Feel free to write into me at lawyersonia@gmail.com and comment below on what you feel, You may wish to share your experience and add more tips per your experience by commenting on this post. 



Tuesday, December 6, 2016

are you engaging in Cyber Crime… to gather Evidence for Divorce ...!!!


19th October 2014, I can never forget this date; a client approached me and told he is booked under cybercrime for seeking divorce as her wife was cheating upon him …! 

On discussion further in detail, I discovered he (husband) had accessed her (wifes) emails and whatsapp messages without her consent (it’s obvious, how will she give him consent to access her private data). He was already a victim of domestic violence; he comes from a middleclass family, retail merchant from Indore, married to a girl working for IT Company in Bangalore. He did suspect her wife’s relationship with her colleague who often travelled for short term IT consulting assignments together out of India…, he was able to successfully gather evidence out of their emails / whatsapp messages and some objectionable photographs in compromising position that made his case strong to seek divorce. Well unlike him there are many other people during the divorce proceedings often track their spouses email or personal chats, hack their mobiles / computers to gather evidence and produce it in the court of law to get rid of the wedlock.

An estimated 55,000 couples are waiting for divorce in India. Bangalore alone has more than 9000 cases pending in the family court with couples jostling to sort out matrimonial issues. Every year 500+ new cases are filed and is increasing year on year with as many as 60 – 70 cases come up for hearing every day, contested divorce cases that need evidence to be produced are more complex, at least 64% of the cases are contested on grounds of Adultery, Cruelty and Infidelity which needs to be proven, the liability is upon the person who has laid the allegations to prove his/her spouse guilty.

We live in an Internet-based urban social order, substantiation and proofs of disloyalty, perfidy, adultery, cheating or other such grounds for divorce are usually digital and stored on one’s laptop/desktop, smartphones or other handheld devices, and often the spouses try to find the evidence by ‘hacking‘ each other’s digital devices, email, whatsapp / chat accounts etc….

What actually happens is husband and wife often share their passwords with each other when life is hunky-dory and all is going good in their relationship, things go wrong and they forget to change the passwords or often don’t secure their devices, this makes it easy for the information to be accessed leaving them disreputable. Only after they realize that the confidential or private information is stolen the vengeance or guilt invokes an opportunity to knock the doors of a lawyer and file a cyber-crime suit out of vengeance.

While many times its evidence gathering that provokes the couple to indulge in the act of hacking private information Cyber-crime is not limited to hacking, there are cases of vengeance that are growing. I remember a few cases that my clients have brought up during the divorce proceedings where their husbands have hacked the Facebook and other social media accounts and posted disgraceful content on their wall and shared with their social circle with an intention to malign their social image purely blindsided by the divorce proceedings. Few of my clients acknowledge that they did engage in such activity only with an intention to ensure they get the child custody and becomes easy to prove their spouse cannot take care of the child assassinating his/he character.  

Few other cases that are on a raise now-a-days are when husband / wife creates a fake profile of their wife / husband and connects with their social circle as thou he/she posting and messaging, runs a parallel account without his/her knowledge and turns mischievous to an extent that harms the social image and again such acts are done with an intention of child custody or alimony etc…  

I strongly censure such activities of hacking, people who are unaware my wish to go thru the Information Technology act following the link http://meity.gov.in/content/information-technology-act, Section 65 to Section 74 describes offenses and penalties for the same. Offenses punishable with imprisonment of 3 years and above are cognizable. (Generally, cognizable offence means a police officer has the authority to make an arrest without a warrant and to start an investigation with or without the permission of a court. By contrast, in the case of a non-cognizable offence, a police officer does not have the authority to make an arrest without a warrant and an investigation cannot be initiated without a court order.)

The key takeaway form this blog is to ensure one does not invite further trouble in his/her divorce case by indulging into an activity of hacking to gather evidence, there are many ethical ways of gathering digital evidence thou, few of my clients have engaged the professional services of detective agencies for the same, there is a provision for the victim to seek the intervention from the court to intervene in evidence gathering. If nothing exists at all and one still needs to prove his / her innocence or guilt one can demand a lie detector test. In fact there are many more ways, but the eagerness to prove one right or wrong forces you to hack the information which may lead you into trouble …

You may wish to write into me at lawyersonia@gmail.com or call me at +91 984 594 4896 for guidance and understand various legal options before trying to be impulsive and try hack your spouses’ inbox. 

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Compilation of Best Speeches from English Movies (Worth Watching)


We all have watch movies, Hollywood, Bollywood, Fiction, Drama, Mystery, Romance, Thrillers, Action, Adventure etc… many a movies leave a mark on us for long time. Coming out from a cinema hall sometimes, the movie you have watched makes you think out of box, sometimes they tend to assist you find answers and much more… are these not the reflections of the society we live in… as a lawyer, I’m inspired with few good speeches and few of them are courtroom speeches … here is a first compilation I am sharing on this blog post, trust you too may like this… if so … do share and comment 





































Thursday, September 15, 2016

Divorce Checklist


Divorce Checklist 
In my decade long experience handling family dispute cases one very important thing I learnt doing is to assist my clients plan and prepare well before filing the divorce lawsuit. 

Every case is unique and has its own merits and challenges, though many a people try to generalize as a spouse conflict or in-laws problem or financial etc… the reality is every individual goes thru a lot of pain emotionally … physically … spiritually … the circumstances are unique and very different, each experience of pain one goes thru cannot be generalized or categorized. Husband / Wife does not simply give up, its only after putting in all possible efforts one takes a very bold step for separation.

While on the death bed of relationship one decides on the divorce, the mind is gone totally blank, he/she is in just give up state, many a times depressed and does not know what to do... more often than not the women simply walk out of their husbands home… the situation worsens when the couple who decide for divorce have children, or financial commitments, debts etc…

Here is a comprehensive checklist I’ve prepared for my readers to assist with if you are considering a separation / divorce; refer this checklist only if you are unable to save the relationship:

1.       Type of Divorce
a.       Mutual Consent : Both of you amicably agree and want to file for divorce
b.      Contested : Only one person in the relationship wants a divorce
c.       Judicial Separation:  a de facto separation while you remaining legally married

2.       Reason for Divorce
a.       Abuse  and Domestic Violence
b.      Unfulfilled Career aspirations
c.       Spouse in a different relationship (Adultery / Bigamy etc…)
d.      Living separately / Desertion
e.      Presumption of death (spouse no longer traceable)
f.        Mentally ill spouse / unsound mind / Schizophrenia
g.       Venereal diseases or life threatening contagious physically incurable disease
h.      Change in religion
i.        Not a law abiding  citizen, criminal, a cruel person who can harm you
j.        Non consummation of marriage / Impotent spouse
k.       Sexual abuse or spouse forces you into unnatural sex

3.       Children (Child Custody)
a.       Custody of the child (if child is less than 5 years the custody will be with mother)
b.      Visitation rights to the other parent
c.       What happens if the child and divorced spouse leave the country
d.      How will the other divorced parent visit the child if in another country
e.      Who will take care of the educational expenses of the child
f.        Will the child live with grandparents of the divorced spouse
g.       How will the child be treated (if stepfather / stepmother situation is involved)
h.      Will the grandparents of the other party (divorced spouse) have visitation rights
i.        How should I prepare my child to accept parents being separated / divorced
j.        Have you thought of a detailed child custody plan and documented
k.       Have you made a list of points you wish to negotiate with your spouse w.r.t children
l.        Are all the documents / certificates / Govt. Ids / Bank Details etc… in your custody
m.    Do you feel, your spouse can emotionally bribe your children for custody
n.      Are you planning to relocate with your child, in that case prepare a relocation plan
o.      Have you considered other pros and cons with respect to child custody
p.      In case you want to remarry, would you continue keeping the child with you

4.       Finances / Money matters
a.       Do you have the list of assets prepared and points of division of assets
                                                               i.     Home / Land and other real estate
                                                             ii.      Bank Accounts Savings / FDs / RDs (Physical and Digital Access details)
                                                            iii.      Insurance Policies
                                                           iv.      Mutual Funds / Stocks / Shares and Bonds
                                                             v.      Debts Payable and current status of loans if any
                                                           vi.      Documents you have signed as Joint Authority
                                                          vii.      Vehicles (Cars / Two Wheelers / etc…)
                                                        viii.      Debts related to Credit Cards / Overdrafts etc…
                                                           ix.      Will / Trust / or any other inheritance
                                                             x.      Jewellery and other precious metals etc…
b.      Has your spouse borrowed money from someone on your behalf
c.      Have you signed any document as a guarantor
d.      Are you on board as a director or carry financial commitment to the business
e.      What liabilities do you carry in case of SIPs and other monthly investments
f.       What liability do you carry towards monthly loans and other recurring debts
g.      What is the alimony amount you have in mind if you want to settle the matter
h.      Have you prepared a draft letter to be sent to all financial authorities for stop payment or for any term / condition that applies (Banks, Insurance, Stock Brokers, Real Estate etc…)

5.       Documentation Readiness : To apply for divorce the following documents are required
a.      Address Proof (Passport, Driving Licence, Rent Agreement, Adhar Card etc…)
b.      ID Proof (Pan Card, Passport, Adhar Card)
c.      Age Proof (10th Std. Marks Card, Passport)
d.      Marriage Certificate
e.      4 Passport Size Photographs
f.       1 Marriage Photograph (Exchanging garlands or any marriage ceremony photo)
g.      Verifying Affidavit
h.      Divorce Petition Document
i.       Memorandum of understanding  (document your settlement agreement)
j.       Lawyer Nomination and Application
k.      Other Document copies as attachments (Will / G-POA etc…)
l.       Previous complaints / Case Documents / Applications / Counselling outcomes etc…
m.    Salary certificates ( this is handy for maintenance, 1/3rd of salary is usually claimed)
n.      If working – Get the details of company and previous working companies
o.      In case of evidence : make a note of witnesses who can stand by you
p.      In case of abuse / violence : Doctor and Medical certificates
q.      In case you have used detective services, carry proofs photographs videos etc…
r.       Address details of Parents and Key Relatives (Optional)

6.        Lawyer (Very important – How to choose a lawyer to fight your case)
a.      Word of mouth – check with people you know and their experience
b.      Internet – read the reviews of a lawyer, his/her work, knowledge thru blogs etc..
c.      Consult at least three lawyers and then select the best you are comfortable with
d.      Independent lawyer or a firm
                                                               i.      If Independent lawyer he/she will know all details of your case
                                                             ii.      If a firm there may be multiple lawyers who may work on your case
e.      Check if the same lawyer can represent both in case of mutual consent
f.       Discuss the fees upfront (Lump sum / Per Appearance / %age etc…)
g.      Check the frequency of discussion with your lawyer (Phone / Skype / Chat / F2F)

7.       Other Important Things:
a.      Know your strengths and weakness
b.      Know the strengths and weakness of your spouse
c.      Prepare for the worst on how to face character assassination and other false allegations if your spouse tags you with
d.      Make a list of all things you have done and tell them openly to your advocate
                                                               i.    Verbal or Physical abuse while Quarrelling
                                                             ii.     Threat emails / sms etc…
                                                            iii.     Emotional Blackmail or threat to commit suicide
                                                           iv.      Parental abuse
                                                             v.     Dowry demands etc…
                                                           vi.     Immoral acts, pre / post extra marital relations
                                                          vii.     any other item of interest you wish to discuss
e.      Make a list of people who may stand by you in case of witness required
f.       Ensure you have a medical / fitness certificate (Physically and Mentally fit)
g.      Inform your lawyer if you are dating or plan to marry immediately after divorce
h.      Work with your lawyer and document the points to talk in the court
i.       Mentally prepare yourself with the cross examination points
j.       Ensure your witnesses are prepared well who will testify you
k.      Remember the golden rule – TALK LESS and LISTEN MORE  

This list is general for most of the divorces cases, nonetheless we belong to various cultures, ethnicity, religions, countries, castes and so depending of your type of marriage there will be variation. These are only few guidelines; an expert lawyer will carry additional requirements and guide you when you talk with him/her. You may wish to share your views with me writing into lawyersonia@gmail.com  

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