How to get Divorce by Mutual Consent in Bangalore

Cosmopolitan Bengaluru (formerly Bangalore) is one of India's most progressive and developed cities, blessed with a benevolent climate and very nice surroundings it’s recognized as Silicon Valley of India. The past decade has seen a mad surge of development, coupled with traffic congestion and rising pollution levels and more alarmingly RISE IN DIVORCE RATES too, at this pace be no surprised after Mumbai and Delhi it will be Bangalore that will have the highest number of divorces. Today stress levels have hit the roof creating a wedge between two people, pushing each farther away and they are just a memory to each other… some common reasons I have heard from my clients are unable to give time to each other, no sexual intimacy, communication problems, alcohol and drug abuse, small apartments to live in with In-Laws (Infrastructure challenges), lack of trust, infidelity, adultery, impotency and sexual orientation.

The fact is that today couples, who are well educated, after realizing that marriage has no future and they are virtually carrying on irretrievably broken down marriage and there is no possibility of reconciliation, after a calm and careful deliberation and taking their respective parents into confidence, couples decide to approach the learned court to seek a divorce by their mutual consent.  

Here are the steps outlined one can refer to…

1.    India is a multi-religion country Divorce my mutual consent carries different process for different religions in India, Hindus are governed under the Hindu Marriage Act,1955, Christians are governed under Indian Divorce Act-1869 & The Indian Christian Marriage Act,1872, Parsis are governed by The Parsi Marriage & Divorce Act-1936, and Muslims under Personnel laws of Divorce and also the Dissolution of Marriage Act,1939 & The Muslim Women (Protection of Rights on Divorce) Act,1986, and finally for NRIs, or Foreign nationals who are married with Indians fall under a secular law called Special Marriage Act, 1954.

2.    Governing rules for couples to seek divorce by mutual consent are as follows

a.    Both Husband and Wife have mutually agreed to dissolve the marriage under no influence / threat

b.    Filing the petition for mutual consent should be done in the jurisdiction where husband and wife live ( document required to prove the jurisdiction is address proof)

c.    Both Husband and Wife are living separately since one year (i.e.. staying in different locations and not under one roof in different rooms, address proof is the document required)

d.    After filing the petition both husband and wife has to wait for 6 months (Cooling Period) to complete the procedure post which they will be declared divorced, but in a recent development in this clause a married couple may not need to wait six months for a separation order in the case of mutual consent and the marriage can be legally terminated in just a week as the Supreme Court on Tuesday 12th September 2017 held that the "cooling off" period in not mandatory and can be waived off.

e.    After the divorce decree is granted, they need to go to the marriage sub-register office and submit a form along with the divorce decree to cancel the marriage certificate

3.    Divorce is filed in the family court of the city; in Bangalore family court is located at H.Siddaiah Road, Sudhama Nagar, Bengaluru, Karnataka 560027. The court operates from 10:00 AM in the morning to 6:00 PM in the evening, Monday to Saturday.

4.    The couple who plan to seek divorce meet a lawyer and share their concerns, post which the lawyer drafts a petition, collects signatures on a few affidavits and applications and depending on a date that suits everyone they decide to file the petition at the family court. Documents required to complete the filing are

a.    Divorce Petition for dissolution of marriage under sections and acts as per the religion

b.    Memorandum of Understanding (in case of child custody, property and assets etc…)

c.    Verifying Affidavits of both Husband and Wife

d.    Joint Affidavit of both Husband and Wife

e.    Application under Section 13 Family Courts Act

f.     Address Proof of both Husband and Wife

g.    Identify Proof of both Husband and Wife

h.    Marriage Invitation Card

i.      Marriage Photograph

j.      Marriage Certificate

k.    Valkalatnama

5.    On the day of filing, both Husband and Wife meet the lawyer at the family court, the lawyer verifies all the documents, prints them on a green colour legal paper of size 8.5” x 14”and aligns them as per the requirements / process outlined by the family court, collects signatures from both husband and wife in the presence of an authorized notary,  affixes the stamps and pays the stamp duty (fees) as prescribed by the court depending on the act and section under which the petition is being filed. This process typically takes not more than a couple of hours and the filing is completed.

6.    The Filing department forwards the case file to the court after verification, If in case there is an error, or any document not as per the prescribed rules, or any other point mentioned does not meet the requirements outlined as per the act and sections the couple are governed, the judge raises an objection.

7.    The Lawyer is notified about the objections and the same needs to be rectified, typically 15 days to 1 month duration is granted by the court to address the objections. The lawyer then reconvenes with the parties (husband and wife) and collects all relevant information / additional documents and submits to the court. In case the objections are not addressed, the case gets dismissed and the procedure needs to be followed all over again.

8.    If there is no error and the filing is done following the correct procedure the court accept the petition, records the statements of both parties and date for next herring is given, this is typically 6 months from the date of filing the petition. There have been some cases where a special prayer is done by the lawyer and parties to wave off the cooling period of 6 months, but this practice is not entertained in all cases. The Supreme Court put an end to this practice in the year 2009, but still in some cases the High Court has granted relief form the waiting period.

9.    During this waiting period / cooling period of 6 months either both Husband and Wife or any one of the party can withdraw the petition, however the courts comedown heavily and wran parties who are withdrawing the consent after filing if the intention is to extort money or draw vengeance, more often than not such instances don’t occur and the process gets completed. The point I am highlighting here is the opportunity.

10.  After 6 months both husband and wife have to present themselves before the court to confirm the mutual consent filed earlier and in this cooling off period as well there has been no reconciliation, in some cases if there is an inclination of saving the marriage counselling can be recommended at the mediation center of the same premises in Bangalore, if nothing works out, the final order is passed and both are declared divorced.

11.  Once the divorce decree is granted the final step is to visit the Marriage Sub Registrar office and get the marriage registration cancelled. This completes the process.

A very important point to remember is during this 6 months waiting period it’s advisable for the (Husband) boy or (Wife) girl not to entertain any second marriage option or engage in a courtship, this is punishable offence and will entertain complications in the proceedings.

Trust this blog was helpful and the reader has fair knowledge on the procedure for divorce by mutual consent that prevails in India, If you need assistance / support or need to discuss about your case feel free to drop a note to me at lawyersonia@gmail.com or call at 9845944896.

Feel free to share your feedback / comment on this post.

20 Practical Tips for Women in India to Negotiate Alimony

Art of Alimony Negotiation for Indian Women

The miscellany and cultural diversity in India is distinctive. The endless varieties of physical features and cultural patterns and many variants of languages make this subcontinent very complex land of multiple religions. The census of 1961 listed as many as 1,652 languages and dialects, the subsequent census regarded them as spurious and recognized 22 major languages. We find in India followers of various faith of which ~80% are Hindus, ~13% follow Islam while other 7% are followers of Christianity, Buddhism, Jainism etc…, wish this country was as simple as the followers of faith but unfortunately there is a wide spread caste system with not less than 3000 sub castes whose hierarchy is graded in different ways in different regions of India.

Right from our childhood we have been reading and learning about Unity in diversity… a concept of "unity without uniformity and diversity without fragmentation" that shifts focus from unity based on a mere tolerance of physical, cultural, linguistic, social, religious, political, ideological and/or psychological differences towards a more complex unity based on an understanding, but alas, I just wish what we studied in the school is actually practiced in the families too. I feel sad to say, per my experience, forget the unity of the country there is no unity in the families today, the disagreement within the family members is growing at an alarming rate, the future generations will end up with antagonism, bitterness and discord which will be the new norm leading but nothing to more crime and social evils. The prominent few social evils faced by married women today are Dowry, Domestic Violence, Outraging the modesty, Sexual Harassment, Marital Rape, Adultery and Men deserting woman, Cruelty by husband and his family members which leads to but nothing Divorce, the guilty is often not punished and those behind bars may not be truly guilty.

88.4% marriages in India are arranged as per the statistics published by UNICEF Human Rights on August 16^th 2016. Approximately 2.3% of marriages end in divorce, at least 78% causes for contested divorce in India are Dowry and Domestic Violence. One other trend I have personally observed is todays modern women wants to move on, the families and parents still hold back some grudge or vengeance and seek for punishment but the educated modern girl today knows that there is a long life and bright future ahead and does not want to waste time in prolonging the case and switches to fasten the proceedings through mutual consent. One of the very important element todays modern girl often ignores is her right for Alimony, either she settles for too less or the earnestness to get out of the suffering is too high that she foregoes her right. Words cannot explain the plight one goes thru the divorce proceedings, taking the first step to consult a lawyer or decide to get out of a relationship itself if practically impossible for the girl no matter how modernized the society is. We still live in a rigid caste based system and the fearing of what neighbours and society will talk about. Each community has its own personal laws derived from religious scriptures, customs and traditions and so the grounds on which a Hindu woman can seek divorce and alimony may not be the same for every community.

The Art of Alimony Negotiation

As per the law of the land, Alimony or Maintenance is a legal obligation on a person to provide financial support to their spouse before or after marital separation or divorce. In case of contested matters the Court intervenes to decide the matters related to alimony and maintenance to both wife and child on various merits of the case. A survey cited by India Today says 63 per cent of Indian women become dependent on their parents post-divorce, even as 88 per cent of the divorced men continue with the same lifestyle after divorce. Although the rule of thumb says 1/3^rd of the husbands income and assets be taken into consideration there are other governing factors that can make the alimony amount high / low, a recent amendment in the law states the women is entitled for 50% of share in the husbands property acquired before or after marriage. The law is still unclear and ambiguous as it does not clearly define what amount of alimony / who / when / and how is the responsibility shared to up bring the children, often the child custody is granted to women and the struggle continues with raising inflation and cost of education / healthcare and other expenses. Unfortunately in India, there is no concept of joint marital assets, although scriptures call the husband and wife DAMPATI and prescribe to perform all duties and rites jointly when it comes to finances, assets, properties etc… it’s always male dominated.  In Hindu marriage act, both spouses can claim alimony from each other whereas the special marriage entitles only wife to claim the alimony. Alimony is mainly divided into four categories: temporary alimony, rehabilitative alimony, permanent alimony and reimbursement alimony….

I wish to highlight in this blog what Indian women need to in case of alimony negotiation and suggest go for an MOU and settle the matters out of court and seek mutual consent divorce after your needs are met :

1.    Ensure the cause for seeking divorce is very strong, there should be enough evidence on you been subjected to domestic violence and are a victim on cruelty by husband and his family

2.    Length of marriage plays a vital role in deciding the alimony amount, shorter marriages should focus on settling a one-time alimony instead of monthly maintenance

3.    Know what you exactly want, don’t just focus on the amount or assets; showcase your needs and the reason behind the demand (inflation, child’s education, your disability, current status and lifestyle, healthcare expenses etc…). Rank your priorities and put forth the top priority first and keep the meagre ones at the end

4.    Give time, there is nothing called “My Way of High Way”, negotiation process takes time, be patient and if required hire a professional who can negotiate on your behalf, take off your ego from the table. Don’t get into threatening and use the words like “Look what I will do … etc…” don’t label your behavior or offer options / choices for your husband to choose from. Remember buying time builds up tension; use this method very carefully but not often

5.    Statistics and Data are important, collect data on various assets, income doorways etc… of your spouse this will be a very handy piece of evidence during the negotiation process, use the data carefully after you have done all your homework Subtly nudging them toward your choice

6.    Women often are emotional and during the negotiations cry or burst out with anger, take control on your emotions and be cool, don’t get angry or cry, this shows your weakness, maintain the cool / composure during negotiation, keep in mind you are facing the problem and not the people although its people around you

7.    Educate the other party with facts and evidence, don’t simply stick to a number you have decided, showcase with data why you need this amount and the rationale behind the ask. State your case, clearly and completely. Change the benchmarks of good and bad, try Bring up new information you have found

8.    Don’t burn the bridges, keep the communication on… in many a cases women walk out of the negotiation table siting the humiliation, seek help from your counsel to negotiate on your behalf, New person can reset the rules and strengthen your value preposition, I often suggest Persuade one person at a time and then use them as allies

9.    Focus on WIN – win strategy, with a bigger WIN coming your way, discuss with your lawyer and do your complete homework without leaving any stone unturned, remember to brake one deal to smaller multiple deals swaying them your way.  If you just put across one big option then the chances of that ending up into an argument and killing time are high. Offer to agree in the half way position

10.  Don’t open up all options at one go, go slow and put your points and let the opposite party come up with his options before your further open up, remember to keep the process in your control, Offer to phase in or phase out the unpleasant bits and sometimes or act stupid to avoid cleaver stuff, catch the opposite party off the ground not expecting you to behave dumb

11.  Beyond currency or money are other assets too… (Stocks, Bonds, Mutual Funds, Property, Gold, Dividends, etc…) keep options open and don’t stick on a number, refuse to agree on the table immediately, say you are open to such a point but wait for the opposite party to put across more points.

12.  Although you are earning, try prove your point the need is beyond what you can sustain from your earnings, fall back on data and gather information ( for eg: all that you earn may end up paying rent and healthcare expenses of your parents, remember as per the new law amendment women are equally responsible to take care of their parents just like men)

13.  Remember, great negotiation is more about listening then about talking, once someone on the table says YES, then document the point and move on don’t argue further on that point

14.  When someone from the opposite party, it could be the husband or his family members or his counsel objects don’t argue or become defensive, instead ask for clarification, ask a WHY Question, you will be surprised if you ask “WHY” or ask data to prove the objection raised the opposite party will not be able to come up with an answer and you can prove your point then. Human psychology plays a vital role here, ask WHY and you can surprise the best negotiators on the table if they have not done their homework

15.  Remember while negotiation, one the important fact is to bear in mind is to craft your process in such a way that will make your husband defenceless, being with him after marriage you definitely know all his strengths and weakness, you also very well know his emotional buttons that when you press them right he agrees to your wants.

16.  Keep the discussions result oriented, its often seen during the negotiation process, old memories come up and the discussion sways more towards a new quarrel instead of point in focus and this indicates a bad publicity and lead into negative consequences.

17.  Remember to be wise and not smart, you need not show how smart you are, let him feel the pride but you need to be wise to ensure your wants are met, say you understand and empathize but don’t agree as your needs outweigh his situations. Suggest a solution and see if they can bite and push them up against the wall of time.

18.  Put your concerns on the table, in my personal experience I can confidently quote there will always be a family member from your spouse side who will sympathize with you, utilize him/her and try to influence the process by siting your concerns, although it’s your demand showcase as a concern and not ego driving the wants

19.  Avoid using “I” statements and instead use something like “We need to reach a resolution which is in favor of both of us adding speed to the process” One other tip which is very important is when you sit for negotiation is the art of speaking, Effective use of speech pauses is a master technique, the power of silence speaks volumes, don’t blabber your point and speak continuously, pauses convey your emotions, holds the attention of distracted audience and replace filler words. You can pause over a question, impactful sentence or a past memory that you quote. Step out and take a break, especially when you see things are getting out of your control, this will break the heat and the flow, come back and start with fresh mind.

20.  Engage with your body language, the body language and conduct during the negotiation process plays a vital role, many a time although you are enraged and uncomfortable put efforts to make yourself in composure drink water often during the negotiation, this will give your time. Not only will this aid your brain (by providing more oxygen), but your vocal quality will be enhanced by keeping your mouth and throat lubricated. The greatest leaders and influencers who speak often resort to this tip… if you observe our beloved prime minister during the interview process or when he is speaking takes a pause and drinks some water. Another psychology behind pausing and drinking water is to break and distract the thought process of the opposite party, break up their thinking and take charge.

While there is more to this subject, I believe the reader would benefit with the above 20 tips to strengthen your proposition. Feel free to write into me at lawyersonia@gmail.com and comment below on what you feel, You may wish to share your experience and add more tips per your experience by commenting on this post.