Showing posts with label AskLaw. Show all posts
Showing posts with label AskLaw. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

are you engaging in Cyber Crime… to gather Evidence for Divorce ...!!!


19th October 2014, I can never forget this date; a client approached me and told he is booked under cybercrime for seeking divorce as her wife was cheating upon him …! 

On discussion further in detail, I discovered he (husband) had accessed her (wifes) emails and whatsapp messages without her consent (it’s obvious, how will she give him consent to access her private data). He was already a victim of domestic violence; he comes from a middleclass family, retail merchant from Indore, married to a girl working for IT Company in Bangalore. He did suspect her wife’s relationship with her colleague who often travelled for short term IT consulting assignments together out of India…, he was able to successfully gather evidence out of their emails / whatsapp messages and some objectionable photographs in compromising position that made his case strong to seek divorce. Well unlike him there are many other people during the divorce proceedings often track their spouses email or personal chats, hack their mobiles / computers to gather evidence and produce it in the court of law to get rid of the wedlock.

An estimated 55,000 couples are waiting for divorce in India. Bangalore alone has more than 9000 cases pending in the family court with couples jostling to sort out matrimonial issues. Every year 500+ new cases are filed and is increasing year on year with as many as 60 – 70 cases come up for hearing every day, contested divorce cases that need evidence to be produced are more complex, at least 64% of the cases are contested on grounds of Adultery, Cruelty and Infidelity which needs to be proven, the liability is upon the person who has laid the allegations to prove his/her spouse guilty.

We live in an Internet-based urban social order, substantiation and proofs of disloyalty, perfidy, adultery, cheating or other such grounds for divorce are usually digital and stored on one’s laptop/desktop, smartphones or other handheld devices, and often the spouses try to find the evidence by ‘hacking‘ each other’s digital devices, email, whatsapp / chat accounts etc….

What actually happens is husband and wife often share their passwords with each other when life is hunky-dory and all is going good in their relationship, things go wrong and they forget to change the passwords or often don’t secure their devices, this makes it easy for the information to be accessed leaving them disreputable. Only after they realize that the confidential or private information is stolen the vengeance or guilt invokes an opportunity to knock the doors of a lawyer and file a cyber-crime suit out of vengeance.

While many times its evidence gathering that provokes the couple to indulge in the act of hacking private information Cyber-crime is not limited to hacking, there are cases of vengeance that are growing. I remember a few cases that my clients have brought up during the divorce proceedings where their husbands have hacked the Facebook and other social media accounts and posted disgraceful content on their wall and shared with their social circle with an intention to malign their social image purely blindsided by the divorce proceedings. Few of my clients acknowledge that they did engage in such activity only with an intention to ensure they get the child custody and becomes easy to prove their spouse cannot take care of the child assassinating his/he character.  

Few other cases that are on a raise now-a-days are when husband / wife creates a fake profile of their wife / husband and connects with their social circle as thou he/she posting and messaging, runs a parallel account without his/her knowledge and turns mischievous to an extent that harms the social image and again such acts are done with an intention of child custody or alimony etc…  

I strongly censure such activities of hacking, people who are unaware my wish to go thru the Information Technology act following the link http://meity.gov.in/content/information-technology-act, Section 65 to Section 74 describes offenses and penalties for the same. Offenses punishable with imprisonment of 3 years and above are cognizable. (Generally, cognizable offence means a police officer has the authority to make an arrest without a warrant and to start an investigation with or without the permission of a court. By contrast, in the case of a non-cognizable offence, a police officer does not have the authority to make an arrest without a warrant and an investigation cannot be initiated without a court order.)

The key takeaway form this blog is to ensure one does not invite further trouble in his/her divorce case by indulging into an activity of hacking to gather evidence, there are many ethical ways of gathering digital evidence thou, few of my clients have engaged the professional services of detective agencies for the same, there is a provision for the victim to seek the intervention from the court to intervene in evidence gathering. If nothing exists at all and one still needs to prove his / her innocence or guilt one can demand a lie detector test. In fact there are many more ways, but the eagerness to prove one right or wrong forces you to hack the information which may lead you into trouble …

You may wish to write into me at lawyersonia@gmail.com or call me at +91 984 594 4896 for guidance and understand various legal options before trying to be impulsive and try hack your spouses’ inbox. 

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Divorce Checklist


Divorce Checklist 
In my decade long experience handling family dispute cases one very important thing I learnt doing is to assist my clients plan and prepare well before filing the divorce lawsuit. 

Every case is unique and has its own merits and challenges, though many a people try to generalize as a spouse conflict or in-laws problem or financial etc… the reality is every individual goes thru a lot of pain emotionally … physically … spiritually … the circumstances are unique and very different, each experience of pain one goes thru cannot be generalized or categorized. Husband / Wife does not simply give up, its only after putting in all possible efforts one takes a very bold step for separation.

While on the death bed of relationship one decides on the divorce, the mind is gone totally blank, he/she is in just give up state, many a times depressed and does not know what to do... more often than not the women simply walk out of their husbands home… the situation worsens when the couple who decide for divorce have children, or financial commitments, debts etc…

Here is a comprehensive checklist I’ve prepared for my readers to assist with if you are considering a separation / divorce; refer this checklist only if you are unable to save the relationship:

1.       Type of Divorce
a.       Mutual Consent : Both of you amicably agree and want to file for divorce
b.      Contested : Only one person in the relationship wants a divorce
c.       Judicial Separation:  a de facto separation while you remaining legally married

2.       Reason for Divorce
a.       Abuse  and Domestic Violence
b.      Unfulfilled Career aspirations
c.       Spouse in a different relationship (Adultery / Bigamy etc…)
d.      Living separately / Desertion
e.      Presumption of death (spouse no longer traceable)
f.        Mentally ill spouse / unsound mind / Schizophrenia
g.       Venereal diseases or life threatening contagious physically incurable disease
h.      Change in religion
i.        Not a law abiding  citizen, criminal, a cruel person who can harm you
j.        Non consummation of marriage / Impotent spouse
k.       Sexual abuse or spouse forces you into unnatural sex

3.       Children (Child Custody)
a.       Custody of the child (if child is less than 5 years the custody will be with mother)
b.      Visitation rights to the other parent
c.       What happens if the child and divorced spouse leave the country
d.      How will the other divorced parent visit the child if in another country
e.      Who will take care of the educational expenses of the child
f.        Will the child live with grandparents of the divorced spouse
g.       How will the child be treated (if stepfather / stepmother situation is involved)
h.      Will the grandparents of the other party (divorced spouse) have visitation rights
i.        How should I prepare my child to accept parents being separated / divorced
j.        Have you thought of a detailed child custody plan and documented
k.       Have you made a list of points you wish to negotiate with your spouse w.r.t children
l.        Are all the documents / certificates / Govt. Ids / Bank Details etc… in your custody
m.    Do you feel, your spouse can emotionally bribe your children for custody
n.      Are you planning to relocate with your child, in that case prepare a relocation plan
o.      Have you considered other pros and cons with respect to child custody
p.      In case you want to remarry, would you continue keeping the child with you

4.       Finances / Money matters
a.       Do you have the list of assets prepared and points of division of assets
                                                               i.     Home / Land and other real estate
                                                             ii.      Bank Accounts Savings / FDs / RDs (Physical and Digital Access details)
                                                            iii.      Insurance Policies
                                                           iv.      Mutual Funds / Stocks / Shares and Bonds
                                                             v.      Debts Payable and current status of loans if any
                                                           vi.      Documents you have signed as Joint Authority
                                                          vii.      Vehicles (Cars / Two Wheelers / etc…)
                                                        viii.      Debts related to Credit Cards / Overdrafts etc…
                                                           ix.      Will / Trust / or any other inheritance
                                                             x.      Jewellery and other precious metals etc…
b.      Has your spouse borrowed money from someone on your behalf
c.      Have you signed any document as a guarantor
d.      Are you on board as a director or carry financial commitment to the business
e.      What liabilities do you carry in case of SIPs and other monthly investments
f.       What liability do you carry towards monthly loans and other recurring debts
g.      What is the alimony amount you have in mind if you want to settle the matter
h.      Have you prepared a draft letter to be sent to all financial authorities for stop payment or for any term / condition that applies (Banks, Insurance, Stock Brokers, Real Estate etc…)

5.       Documentation Readiness : To apply for divorce the following documents are required
a.      Address Proof (Passport, Driving Licence, Rent Agreement, Adhar Card etc…)
b.      ID Proof (Pan Card, Passport, Adhar Card)
c.      Age Proof (10th Std. Marks Card, Passport)
d.      Marriage Certificate
e.      4 Passport Size Photographs
f.       1 Marriage Photograph (Exchanging garlands or any marriage ceremony photo)
g.      Verifying Affidavit
h.      Divorce Petition Document
i.       Memorandum of understanding  (document your settlement agreement)
j.       Lawyer Nomination and Application
k.      Other Document copies as attachments (Will / G-POA etc…)
l.       Previous complaints / Case Documents / Applications / Counselling outcomes etc…
m.    Salary certificates ( this is handy for maintenance, 1/3rd of salary is usually claimed)
n.      If working – Get the details of company and previous working companies
o.      In case of evidence : make a note of witnesses who can stand by you
p.      In case of abuse / violence : Doctor and Medical certificates
q.      In case you have used detective services, carry proofs photographs videos etc…
r.       Address details of Parents and Key Relatives (Optional)

6.        Lawyer (Very important – How to choose a lawyer to fight your case)
a.      Word of mouth – check with people you know and their experience
b.      Internet – read the reviews of a lawyer, his/her work, knowledge thru blogs etc..
c.      Consult at least three lawyers and then select the best you are comfortable with
d.      Independent lawyer or a firm
                                                               i.      If Independent lawyer he/she will know all details of your case
                                                             ii.      If a firm there may be multiple lawyers who may work on your case
e.      Check if the same lawyer can represent both in case of mutual consent
f.       Discuss the fees upfront (Lump sum / Per Appearance / %age etc…)
g.      Check the frequency of discussion with your lawyer (Phone / Skype / Chat / F2F)

7.       Other Important Things:
a.      Know your strengths and weakness
b.      Know the strengths and weakness of your spouse
c.      Prepare for the worst on how to face character assassination and other false allegations if your spouse tags you with
d.      Make a list of all things you have done and tell them openly to your advocate
                                                               i.    Verbal or Physical abuse while Quarrelling
                                                             ii.     Threat emails / sms etc…
                                                            iii.     Emotional Blackmail or threat to commit suicide
                                                           iv.      Parental abuse
                                                             v.     Dowry demands etc…
                                                           vi.     Immoral acts, pre / post extra marital relations
                                                          vii.     any other item of interest you wish to discuss
e.      Make a list of people who may stand by you in case of witness required
f.       Ensure you have a medical / fitness certificate (Physically and Mentally fit)
g.      Inform your lawyer if you are dating or plan to marry immediately after divorce
h.      Work with your lawyer and document the points to talk in the court
i.       Mentally prepare yourself with the cross examination points
j.       Ensure your witnesses are prepared well who will testify you
k.      Remember the golden rule – TALK LESS and LISTEN MORE  

This list is general for most of the divorces cases, nonetheless we belong to various cultures, ethnicity, religions, countries, castes and so depending of your type of marriage there will be variation. These are only few guidelines; an expert lawyer will carry additional requirements and guide you when you talk with him/her. You may wish to share your views with me writing into lawyersonia@gmail.com  

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

How to save a marriage – 10 ways to avoid divorce




A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person, alas… if this is practiced in reality the divorce rate today would have been way down then what it is. The rate of divorce in India is about 17 per 1,000 marriages. Divorces granted by the family courts increased by 450 per cent between 2003 and 2015 in Kolkata, and doubled in Mumbai between 2010 and 2014. 

Bangalore along has witnessed a 20% year on year growth in divorce rate, almost 25 cases of divorce were filed daily back in 2008 clocking near about 3000 a year which today has grown to 10,000 cases filed in a year. While the heavens are handling the rush of marriages, back on earth, it's the family courts that are working overtime to dissolve marriages that have hit the relationship roadblock.

It’s close to a decade I am practicing and in my experience handling divorce cases, I have discovered 10 golden rules if incorporated in a marital life the relationship can be as sweet as honey…, and in this blog, will try to pass on the message and assist the readers understand them, with a belief that reading this someone … somewhere may be able to save his/her marriage and live happily.   

1. The most important, and a one letter word is the first cause of damage, and this letter is “ I ” , look at it, when its written, although alone, is written in capitals. No matter what language, stop using this word “ I “ as much as possible. Many a times when couples come to me for discussing the issues the most common statements are…
a. I did so much for him / her 
b. I did so much for my mother-in-law
c. I spent and fulfilled all her unnecessary demands
d. and because I did… I want … I need … I demand … I helped … I supported … etc… etc… 

2. Now just for a moment turn the tables and instead of using this single letter word “ I “ start incorporating the usage of a double letter word “WE” in your communication …, its “We” together did … “We” together will … etc…, per my experience in the last few years dealing with divorce cases, especially after the divorce is thru many a clients have come back to me and do tell… wish we had got one chance, and somehow…

3. EGO is the three letter word which is the underlying factor, the root cause, that comes between the couples and this is exactly where We becomes I, find ways to get out of Ego. Learn to be cool and take things in their right ways, get away from thinking traps, chose to love and get away from complains. We are kids from heart… and we do mistakes… we talk harsh many a times… we may hurt many a people… learn to forgive. 

4. LOVE … a four letter word that is the principle of forgiveness…, Love kills ego that has turned the WE into I, love unconditionally, any time there is a conflict, go back to the days when you met first, cherish few memories from your past where you have loved each other unconditionally. Unfortunately today’s generation, relationships can be summarized with one statement “Love at first sight-Divorce at first fight” is this what we want to pass on to our Millennials, where are we heading towards, a stress filled life...!

5. What can be done to overcome this stress that is building up in us, SMILE, how often we smile daily, not sure, ask yourself reading this post and try counting the numbers of times you have smiled in a day, a stressful day that is filled with family stress, traffic stress, work stress, money stress, business stress, health related stress, accomplish related stress, etc… stress is everywhere and who becomes the scapegoat of this… your spouse, you come back home and pour out all your stress on to your spouse, husband shouts on wife and wife shouts on husband and then … rest is history. We have lost to SMILE…, how often we have seen the face book messages and whatsapp forwards that “According to doctors we use only four muscles to smile, but when we frown we use 64 muscles, i.e… 16 times more”

6. GOSSIP a six letter word is another root cause that often adds a lot of unnecessary waste in our minds leading to thinking traps and build unwanted stress, many a clients who often complain and I quote “Ma’am, in my family, after my husband leaves for work, while I am doing household things, my mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, often gossip about me, and then badmouth me / my family etc…”  look at the media that is adding fuel to the fire, “SAAS BHI KABHI BAHU THI” ha ha ha… this is one of the most common things I have observed, many a marriages break especially when In-Laws are involved is because of Gossip, please, for haven sake, stop gossiping, stop spreading rumors, stop badmouthing. I remember reading a quote which said I am Daughter-In-Law of this family means DIL of the family, Dil in English is Heart, … literally meaning Daughter-In-Law is the heart of the family, and what is happening today… heartburn and heartattcks…

7. RESPECT a seven letter word the only way to stop gossiping about someone is to respect him/her, with respect comes a lot of responsibility, with respect comes a lot of love, if you wish to be treated respectfully start giving respect to your spouse, to your in-laws, to your family members, to the newly wed bride who has come to your home leaving her family, to the newly married husband who has declared to the whole world now there is a companion in life he can live with for ever, to the newly wed wife who has redefined her life leaving back the chocolates and ice-creams for additional responsibilities. Respect plays a very vital role in the relationship, remember respect is for those who deserve it and not the one who demand it, many a times we don’t understand the difference between deserving and demanding, especially the in-laws at home end up demanding respect weather they deserve it or not and the most common verse the parents teach to their daughters is “Jukh kar chal” in English meaning bow down in front of your in-laws and husband and we in the 21st century talk about gender equality… ah… Respect is to be earned, by all in the relationship, it should be earned by the husband, by the wife, by the in-laws and to earn respect you need to let go your EGO, Stop Gossiping, start loving and caring unconditionally, above all smile often… remember wife or daughter-in-law is not a maid and a husband is not an ATM machine. 

8. PATIANCE an eight letter word is the magical of all the words defined so far in the vocabulary of a relationship, it has a lot to do, go back and sneak into the lives of our parents and grandparents, the biggest learning one can learn from them can be summarized by a very famous quote an old lady told “We were born in the era, when something was broken, we would fix it, not throw it away”. It takes a lot to be patient, todays millennial generation lacks patience, everything one needs is instant, gone are the days of standing in queue, gone are the days of waiting, look at the fast changing technology landscape that has reduced the cycle time of your needs and wants, and so … gone are the days of patience … its difficult today, but required the most. 


9. GRATITUDE a nine letter word, the most miraculous one and has the capacity of working wonders in a marital relationship, what I have observed when discussed with many of my clients that after a period of time one starts taking another for granted, the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness which existed in the initial days of marriage between the spouse, the parents of both sides, the families, everything is lost in thin air, when was the last time we said our spouse “I Love You” or “Thank you”, have we ever gone back to our spouse and thanked him/her for supporting us in fulfilling our dreams…goals…desires…wants…needs… NO we have not… all we do is increase the bar … year on year as our corporate life demands us to set high goals, we come back and do the same with our spouse, marriage anniversary is not an appraisal. Start showing gratitude towards your people in the family, to your wife, to your husband, appreciate them for the good they have done, be thankful, you will see miracles unfolding your way. 

10. CONNECTION ... the last ten letter word, I will end this blog with is CONNECTION. You may carry the best smart phone in your pocket, what is it of use without being connected, it’s a connected world we live in, and unfortunately we are not connected by heart with our family, with the wife, with the husband, with the parents, with the siblings, with one and all, we are living alone and we are disconnected. The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen, perhaps the most important thing we give to each other is our attention. Throughout our lives we yearn to be loved and cared, this deep routed feeling is the crux for one to find a companion beyond mother and sister in a wife to be by the ups and downs lifelong, and for this to happen, the most important factor is to connect. Connect with mind…heart…body…soul…, Remember we don’t accomplish in this world anything alone, our lives are connected by thousands of threads with thousands of people in every stream of our life, one needs to have the strongest connection with his/her spouse and then nothing is impossible in life. 

I trust, reading this blog post you will for sure takeaway at least one of the above mentioned value which may assist you in some small way to lead a happy life…, write to me at lawyersonia@gmail.com or comment below on this post and share your thoughts. 

Monday, August 8, 2016

Beaten Down and Silenced Cry... Domestic Violence


In a country with a population 1.2 billion Indians, 48.5% comprise of women. 56% of the total women population are married out of them 7.5% are aged 60+. (Hindu 38.78 %; Muslim 6.5 %; Christian 1.18 %; Sikh 0.88 %; Buddhist 0.38 %; Jain 0.20 %; Others 0.32 %).  

As per a NFHS statistics 37.2 % of ever married women have experienced spousal violence and about once every five minutes an incident of domestic violence is reported, under its legal definition of "cruelty by husband or his relatives".  At all India level, 10.35 % households are female headed and the average size of female headed households is 4 whereas the average household size for male headed households is 6, and surprisingly domestic violence cases often are from homes that are female dominated.

Acts of domestic violence can include physical, emotional, sexual, psychological, and economic abuse. The abuser could be a parent, child, spouse, stepparent, live-in partner, sibling, or other relative. Victims and abusers come from both genders and all age groups. Marital rape is another form of domestic violence in which one spouse is sexually abused by the other. 65% of Indian men believe women should tolerate violence in order to keep the family together, and women sometimes deserve to be beaten. In January 2011, the International Men and Gender Equality Survey (IMAGES) Questionnaire reported that 24% of Indian men had committed sexual violence at some point during their lives.

According to the National Crime Records Bureau of India, reported incidents of crime against women increased 8.3% during 2014, and a crime against a woman is committed every three minutes. In 2013 there were 314,210 reported incidents of crime against women, in 2012 there were 244,270 reported incidents, while in 2011 there were 228,650 reported incidents. Among the crimes committed against women, the crimes of torture and molestation together constitute 65.53%

India’s societal changes have been engineered by women getting access to education and jobs. However on the ground regressive notions and crimes continue to halt women from getting out of their homes and joining the work force. While our Western sisters burned bras in the 1960s for equality, India's women are taking to the streets to demand their right to walk freely without fear from men…

The law surrounding domestic violence and marital rape is complicated. Plus, the facts of each case are unique. There is no single cause of domestic violence, it comes from a combination of factors, including society's attitudes, community responses, and the individual psychology experiences of the abuser and the abused. The biggest challenge is more often than not the women experiencing domestic violence tend to believe it’s a normal behaviour and start falsely believing that the violence against them is punishment for their misbehaviour (as defined by the husband and his family) and for their good behaviour petty rewards like an outing or a movie or a gift is what they should expect… quite unfortunate… many women in India still believe there is no good reason to call police if husband beats wife, and family members too don’t come to the rescue of women when being abused by her husband.

One of my clients reported that her husband used to turn on the TV volume high and then beat her so that family members or others in the home don’t come to know what is happening and also she was under constant depression, malnourished and used to become hysteric. In-laws blamed her of being a mentally ill girl and wanted to get rid of her and so filed a divorce case…

In one other case, the girl had to leave the marital home due to the illegal sexual advances from the father-in-law towards her, the plight of this newly married girl was such where she was living a nightmarish hell without able to communicate to her husband or mother-in-law, with much difficulty and the help of house maid she gathered some strength and opened up the matter to the police…

Often reported by many social activists and NGOs that children become victims of domestic violence, the emotional trauma they go thru seeing the violent episodes between parents and watch in-laws behaving like an animal with their mother makes them social rebels

Alcohol and substance abuse is another big cause to this concern, cases where husband abuses wife under the influence of alcohol and pretends to repent his deed once he comes to his normal senses, the fallacy is that the women being abused fails to understand the behaviour of her husband and lives in her own false believes

Dowry is another problem that adds fuel to the fire; many young women today too are murdered or driven to suicide by continuous harassment and torture by husbands and in-laws in an effort to extort an increased dowry. It’s very important that people realize such facts and take actions well in advance…

The only way to permanently stop domestic violence is for everyone to no longer try to control and abuse those they love. This goal will take educating our kids to respect their romantic partners by demonstrating respectful, healthy relationships with our spouses and partners.

Beyond the one who is a sufferer, we as responsible citizen can play our part in helping avoid such situations in our community…. Few things I believe we can do are…

If your neighbour, friend, co-worker, classmate, mother, sister, daughter, daughter-in-law, niece or cousin is facing Domestic Violence at home, let them know that you will be willing to be a witness or to intervene on their behalf while you are around.

I really liked the idea Bell Bajao campaign, have seen on the television and few social media sties too, If you are the neighbour of a family experiencing Domestic Violence, please take the time to ring their bell when you hear a violent situation happening. You could use the old neighbourly approach of asking to borrow a cup of sugar or some milk as an excuse. If you feel that it could get dangerous, bring another person with you so there will be more than one witness.

If the situation is beyond simple neighbourly intervention, call the police, Provide critical information, such as location, names, contact number, and whether or not you wish the remain anonymous, remember you are a neighbour or a friend and you may not wish show heroism and get into trouble but it’s always good to seek help, you can also seek help from a couple other neighbours and together work to support the victim…

If you fear for your friend, co-worker, classmate, or family member’s life, call or text her once a day at a random time to see if she is all right., remember to be friendly, be sensitive to the situation, unknowingly your act may trigger another episode of violence if you text too much or her husband come to know and starts suspecting you to be a person creating more troubles in their life…

The victim of domestic violence is often either aggressive or too low in self-esteem, be a good listener, counsel her or seek professional counselling. This taboo is not easy for the society to overcome, it will take time may be a couple of decade if very optimistic or may be a couple of centuries… as long as the roots of social evil are strong in the society, as long as the education is limited to theories and lacks empathy, as long as the morals are poor, as long as minds are corrupted, as long as …. as long as … as long as… etc..

It’s our responsibility to act and help and support… you may wish to write to me at lawyersonia@gmail.com for advice and counselling or any legal assistance in lieu with this.


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